It has been a while since my own long distance relationship (LDR) finally had the distance closed when I moved to America, so I thought I would do a LDR themed post.
What key bits of advice would I give to anyone contemplating, starting, or in the midst of loving at a distance? I gave it some careful thought, and reading of my previous musings on the subject, and came up with three things I found was a key driver in the success of my own LDR …
This is obvious – you cannot have any successful relationship without good communication, but in an LDR it takes on a different life. It can often be rushed or patchy (especially when technology fails), and has to be the type of communication that is truly open – it is a waste of time to just do the ‘glossy’ good stuff. Sometimes you have to do the everyday tough stuff, sometimes the nitty-gritty, sometimes your commitments to work or friends gets in the way of time spent together, but ultimately you develop the most focused, honest, and to-the-point communication.
Do not avoid tough or unhappy conversations, your partner needs to know what is going on for you … so find your own rhythm with each other and how you communicate. The strongest relationships, LDR or otherwise, face the good, bad and ugly together.
Possibly one of the hardest things to do in an LDR is to feel connected to your partner when they are so far away. You begin to crave or miss all those little things that everyone else seems to get to do together. You wish you could show or share something with them – but the great thing is, you still can. It may take a bit of planning, or time to do, but share music, tv shows, books, food etc. Have dinner together via video chat, send them links to music, go on a virtual visit somewhere, the options via social media to share all those little things are endless – just do it. It gives you things to look forward to and talk about.
Just because you may have times zones or miles between you, does not mean you cannot make time and space to share the little everyday things with your long distance love – just make the effort, it will not go unnoticed or unappreciated.
This too is incredibly hard, especially if something has happened to upset or hurt your partner, this is where the communication and connections come into play. Give time to talk things out and offer support as best you can, if you know they are going to be facing something in the future or going through something right that moment, send them something. Having physical items around you that belong to your partner or came from them can be a great source of comfort.
Comforting each other within the confines of a LDR all comes from good communication, making good connections with each other and remembering to be flexible and patient. Sometimes stuff just gets in the way. Find out or articulate what is needed, and put in the effort to make that comfort and help forthcoming.
There is always so much more advice to give and things to talk about when it comes to LDR, so if you have a specific question, then feel free to contact me.